Lazy Vegan Food Tips
[2026-06-05_food-tips]

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#recipe #list #vegan

§ "Protein" ^

(There's plenty of protein in other foods that people don't call proteins.¹)

§ Tofu ^

• Just get a tofu press for like $20 instead of piling up books and wasting paper towels and knocking shit over. It's worth it.
  • I have one called Tofuture.
  • You can use the base where the water drains into as a container for marinating it after. Tight fit though.
• Buy tofu with minimal water content to make pressing optional.
  • Trader Joe's has one called "Super Firm".
  • Costco has a Kirkland-branded one called "Extra Firm".
  • Sprouted tofu is another option but it's more expensive.
• Toss with cornstarch, MSG, and seasonings then pop in the oven or air fryer for lazy crispy tofu. No need to dredge it in liquid first since it's already damp.
• Don't sleep on silken tofu. If you're gentle you can get a lovely sear on it. It's also good for tofu scrambles.

§ Tempeh ^

• Good tempeh has a strong nutty flavor that is delicious with only oil, salt, and pepper, but it's not easy to find. Trader Joe's is pretty good. Lightlife won't cut it.
• If your tempeh is too bitter, steam or boil it for a minute or two before you fry it.
• You can always make tempeh good by adding barbecue sauce.
• Make tempeh bakon with liquid smoke/smoked paprika, soy sauce, and maple syrup.

§ Butler Soy Curls: the best meat alternative ^

• What sets them apart from other soy protein:
  • Good, versatile shape/texture.
  • They contain all the fat content that is normally removed.
• I order this bulk box once or twice a year and repackage it into gallon ziplocks to store in the freezer. Their seasoning is excellent so I spring for it.
  • If you shake them periodically while repackaging you can separate out the small bits into their own bags.
  • If you don't have a ton of freezer space you can keep some in the fridge and some on the shelf. Use up the shelf first, then the fridge. I've never had them go bad.
• Do not follow their instructions to reconstitute with plain water then add seasoning after you drain it. Add generous seasoning/bouillon with the water. Save the leftover broth to reconstitute the next batch.
• For a softer texture (eg chikn salad, pulled porq) if you aren't in a hurry, you can just combine it all in a pan on the stove and let the excess water evaporate off, then stir fry it for a minute or two.
• You can make a large batch in the oven.
• Air fried with Butler's seasoning or similar and some breading makes for an excellent fried chikn.
• The Butler seasoning tends to clump up. Keep it away from steam and put a silica packet in.

§ Cheeze & Co. ^

§ Butter ^

• Plain old coconut oil is a perfectly good lazy/broke substitute for butter.
  • Be aware it is bad for internal use due to mostly being saturated fat. For some reason it has a reputation for being healthy.
    • It's much worse if you heat it. A high smoke point oil that's low in saturated fat --- like canola --- should be your go-to for cooking.
  • Excellent for making weed edibles.
• Avoid premade butter and other products that contain palm oil, as it kills orangutans --- even the stuff greenwashed by the RSPO.

§ Cheeze ^

• Nutritional yeast ("nooch") is a bit of an acquired taste but after a while you will love it. It's not exactly cheesy like people say but it's adjacent.

  • I like to get the kind in the nice shaker bottle (eg Bragg) and then refill it with cheaper bulk nooch from another brand.
  • Make sure you buy the kind fortified with B vitamins. If you're vegan, you need to supplement B12.
  • Canonical application: replacement for parmesan on spaghetti.
  • You can use it to make Mac & Cheeze.

• Tahini makes a surprisingly excellent lasy cheeze.

  • Even better: mix it with nooch. Thin it with milk. Add a pinch of salt and splash of lemon juice to make it pop.

§ Cream ^

• Coconut cream is THE SHIT.
  • You can get it out of a can of coconut milk as long as it hasn't been shaken in a while. The cream will be on top and easily scooped off.
  • It is coconutty though, so there's that.

§ Eggs ^

• You can make tofu scramble (or anything else) taste like eggs with black salt. A little goes a looong way, so you don't have to buy it very often.

  • If you don't have black salt, try other ingredients that taste sulfurous: white pepper, brown mustard, pistachios...
  • The other half of eggy flavor besides sulfur is a rich fatty taste. Try avocado, plant-based yogurt, vegenaise...

• Vegenaise is even better than animal-based mayo.

  • You can make DIY Vegenaise at home easily with a decent blender, oil, and can of chickpeas.
    • This stuff is pretty calorie-dense and makes everything better, so limiting yourself to homemade is a good way to avoid gaining weight. It's easy but still more effort than buying it, so it serves as a little speedbump.
    • As a bonus, you won't be supporting the evil corporation Follow Your Heart sold out to.
  • It's super versatile. Stir in some lemon juice for an instant sour cream.
  • There are a ton of vegenaise-based recipes in Vegenaise with a Vengeance, which is better than the official Vegenaise Cookbook.

• Applesauce and/or flax eggs (mix ground flaxseed and water at ~1:3 and rest for 15 mins) will solve 90% of your problems with baking.

§ Milk ^

• In a pinch, you can whip up some oak milk in like five minutes with oats, water, and a blender.
  • Instructions are left as an exercise to the reader.

§ Other Ingredients ^

§ Bagged veggies for great justice ^

§ Fresh ^

• Coleslaw, broccoli slaw, shredded carrots

  • Easily make pickled veggies for banh mi, barbecue sandwiches, etc.
    • Just add them to a mason jar with some vinegar, sugar, and salt.
  • Stir-fry them.
  • Eat them as-is.
  • Make coleslaw.
    • Mix with vegenaise, vinegar (apple cider and a splash of white), sunflower seeds, cranberries, onion powder, salt and pepper.

• Baby carrots

  • Dip in hummus as a snack.
  • Stir-fry.
    • They're a little big but useable as-is, or slice them lengthwise.
  • Roast.

• Bite-size celery

  • Dip in hummus or use in stir fry.

• Baby spinach

  • You can add it to almost anything.
  • Make sure you eat it fast. Doesn't last long.
  • I'm strong to the finish cuz I eats me spinach.

§ Frozen ^

• Corn

  • Good on its own. Just add butter, salt, and pepper.
  • This is another food I contend is good for breakfast. Cornflakes are normal, so why not corn?

• Soybeans ("mukimame")

  • Get the microwave-in-bag kind, microwave-in-bag rice, and some sauce for a super lazy meal.
  • Just add salt for a snack. You can also get it in the shell ("edamame") for this purpose.

§ Beans & Co. ^

• Butter beans are fucking awesome. They're actually big white lima beans.
• Lentils and split peas
  • You really do have to pick carefully through them for rocks. I've chipped a tooth.
  • You can make an interesting tofu-like food out of red lentils pretty easily.
    • See also: Burmese tofu
  • Great as a meat replacement in sloppy joes and chili, especially green lentils.
  • Good for an easy dal.

§ Cereals ^

• If you get tired of rice, there's a whole world of delicious grains out there: millet, barley, freekeh, wheat berries...

  • Find a health food store with those bulk dispensers and buy small amounts of a bunch of different things.
  • You can pretty much substitute any of them for rice.
  • Kamut is good, but it's proprietary, so please boycott it.

• There are also a ton of varieties of rice you can try. My favorites are purple rice and wild rice, but they're pricy.

• You can eat rolled oats raw.

  • I actually prefer them this way unless I'm making baked oatmeal.
  • Combine with syrup, chocolate, peanut butter, etc. for an easy, chewy snack.

§ Chili Sauce ^

• Lao Gan Ma brand chili crisp is one of the greatest food items ever invented.
• You don't need to make a proper sauce --- or even a meal. Just throw this on whatever you're eating, even plain white rice.
• Sadly quite expensive, especially since it's impossible to resist going overboard with it.

§ Flours ^

• Cornstarch is the GOAT thickener.
• Arrowroot is great for thickening things you want to be an "eggy" consistency.
• Chickpea flour is nice for quickly breading things.
• Potato flakes aren't just for instant mashed potatoes, they are also a useful thickening agent.
  • I once made a dope cheeze sauce with potato flakes as the base.
• You can make oat flour in a minute by tossing some oats in your blender. It's not super useful but it's okay.

§ Fruit is the dessert of the plant world ^

• Freeze green grapes.
  • Eat as-is.
• Freeze bananas.
  • If they're overripe, you can use them for banana bread later.
  • If they're not, you can blend them to make an incredible milkshake.
    • 1 banana
    • ~1 cup milk
    • 1-2 Tbsp cocoa
    • 1-2 Tbsp sweetener
    • splash vanilla
• Frozen fruit from the store usually kinda sucks, but raspberries are good.
  • Melt chocolate in microwave (stir often).
  • Pour chocolate over raspberries.
  • Put raspberries in freezer for a while.
  • Mouthgasm.
• Put a little salt on your watermelon. Or tajín if you're feeling bold.
  • You can freeze and blend watermelon too. Maybe add a splash of lime.

§ Maple syrup is the best sweetener ^

• Agave is expensive and kind of weird. It makes a nice honey substitute but is not very versatile.
• White sugar is made with animal bones.
  • Brown sugar is white sugar + molasses. Just get molasses.
    • Molasses is also useful for whipping up BBQ sauce. Combine with a tomato product and some vinegar.
• Raw sugar is expensive and needs to be ground in a mortar to reduce its coarseness for most applications.
• Corn syrup is okay, but it's usually too thick to work with and tastes worse.
  • It does taste more neutral than maple. Maple syrup has a more distinct flavor, but it's really nice and goes with most things even though you wouldn't expect it to.
    • I think I like the fake maple syrup better than plain corn syrup. It tastes better and is thin and pourable. But it's less versatile than the real thing and probably has shady ingredients in it.
• Good on pancakes.
• Associated with slavery abolitionism in the past since it's made in Canada and the North. Sugarcane farming has a long history of slavery and other brutal labor practices.

If using stevia, cut the amount way back. Stevia is much sweeter than sugar.

§ Smoke ^

• Liquid smoke is the secret ingredient for making good BBQ.
• You can generally use smoked paprika in any scenario you would use liquid smoke, plus ones where a liquid is inappropriate.
• Smoke is still carcinogenic when you eat it, so try not to go overboard like me.

§ Dishes ^

§ Breakfast toast (or bagel, English muffin, ...) toppings ^

• Avocado
  • Top with jalapeños, nooch, hot sauce, salt and pepper.
• Hummus
  • Top with za'atar or everything bagel seasoning mix.
• Mashed-up peas with garlic, salt, pepper
  • Peas are super good for breakfast. Fight me.
• Sprouts are an amazing topping. Unfortunately they are at high risk of being contaminated with dangerous bacteria.

§ Pasta ^

• Add some walnuts. (At the end. Don't cook them.)
• Falafel makes a surprisingly good meatball alternative. You can get falafel mix in a box or make it yourself.
  • Falfel follows the same basic principle as making a veggie burger.
• Combine different storebought sauces to level it up without making it from scratch.
• Make a pesto-like green sauce by throwing whatever fresh herbs and green veggies you have on hand into a blender. Also good as a salad dressing, flatbread topping, dip...

§ Pizza ^

• You can use a tortilla as the crust.

• Any pizza will feel fancy if you top it with artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, and olives.

• Make garlic dipping sauce by microwaving minced garlic and olive oil/butter for 30 seconds.

• You can turn any salad into a flatbread if you have... flat bread.

  • Brush or drizzle with olive oil. Apply salad. Bake.
  • Slivered almonds, crushed pecans, and dried fruit (eg raisins) are excellent ingredients.
  • Drizzle balsamic vinegar or a sweet vinaigrette (balsamic, red wine, ...) over top.
  • This a great way to eat bitter greens like arugula and dandelion since you have sweet fruits and drizzle to balance them. If it's not sweet enough, drizzle a little agave.

§ Potatoes ^

Just potatoes. Stick one in the microwave and hit Potato.

§ Lazy stir-fries that always hit ^

§ Pepper ^

• Tofu
• Jalapeños
• Chili sauce/hot oil (or: crushed red pepper, sichuan pepper, extra oil; optional in a pinch or for a different vibe as long as you have good paprika)
• Paprika, smoked or sweet or both (technically optional)
• White or preground black pepper, fresh black pepper
• Salt

Optional:

• Sriracha
• Peanuts
• Celery
• Garlic
• Ginger
• Soy sauce

The greasier the better.

§ Peanut ^

• Tofu, soy curls, etc. (optional)
• Vegetables
• Peanut butter (chunky or add peanuts)
• Soy sauce and/or miso paste
• Sweetener
• Garlic
• Ginger
• Fresh cilantro (optional but enables maximum overdrive mode)

Can be tough to get the peanut sauce just right, but I've never not enjoyed it.

§ Hardware ^

• Store (almost) everything in wide-mouth mason jars.
  • As a de facto standard, they have wide compatibility with accessories and recipes/tutorials.
  • Easy to fill, empty, and clean. Narrow-mouth jars are horrible.
  • No worries about the vessel getting stained or plastic leeching into your food.
    • Also a downside: glass breaks and it sucks.
  • Compatible with liquids as well as solids.
    • You can drink from them.
    • You can fill unused ones with water in case you need it.
  • Bugs won't get into your grains.
  • You can use them for canning and fermenting if you get into that. They can be properly sterilized.
  • You can make one into a bong.
• Use small plates and bowls. You'll eat less without even noticing.
  • Look for the keywords "salad", "appetizer".
• Get a decent blender or food processor. You don't need anything fancier than a Ninja.
• A quesadilla maker is so worth it. I use it all the time. Cheap and they often show up at thrift stores for some reason.
• Air fryers are not overhyped. They are a game-changer if you get a decent one.
  • Standout applications are effortless crispy tofu and perfect frozen french fries. You can also just throw a bag of frozen veggies in.
  • A convection oven is probably better, though, if you have the option. Air fryers are also difficult to clean.
• A stainless wok and a cast-iron pan are nice to have.
• Be careful with nonstick pans. They can be quite toxic. Don't use them on high and throw them out when the surface gets marred.
• Get a mesh strainer so you can rinse your rice and a collander for your veggies. A salad spinner is nice too but takes up a lot of space.

§ Practices ^

§ Don't measure stuff! ^

• It won't make your food better --- only less predictable --- but it will improve your cooking intuition, which will lead to better results in the long term. You need to focus on your food in the moment, not a checklist.
• Be brave. You will be ok. Worst case scenario, you have to throw out some food.
• If your food doesn't taste good, don't panic. Adjust it, then taste it again. Repeat until good.
• Faster.
• Saves on doing dishes.

§ Do measure stuff... ^

• if you're baking.
• if you've never made the dish before.
• if the dish requires a very careful balance of ingredients (eg Indian food).

§ Focus on building blocks ^

• Most stuff we eat is made of a few simple components. If you understand their rough compositions and have the pieces, you can make anything. People will call you "resourceful".
• Prefer to buy simpler ingredients. Often these use annoying health marketing, but you actually want them for their versatility. They're also often cheaper.
  • Salt-free seasoning blends.
    • Blends are convenient but you can't use them fearlessly if they impact your dish's saltiness.
  • "Natural" peanut butter: just plain old peanuts and maybe some salt. Double-check the ingredients.
    • You have to stir it up, but it's more versatile and tastes much better than no-stir, which is laced with bitter palm oil and sugar.
    • Excellent for weed edibles, eg PB&J with AVB (already vaped bud).
  • Plain old vegetables and rice.
    • You can season them better and more to your liking than a company that has to cater to the lowest common denominator, and adding seasonings is the easiest and most fun part of cooking.
    • You aren't stuck with the meal a pre-seasoned variety was designed for.
• This sometimes conflicts with laziness. There's no shame in going with more complex/prepared foods.
  • You can also use higher-level ingredients as building blocks, or use your food architect skills to improve them.
    • Ramen: add veggies, fry the noodles.
    • Premade hummus: add olive oil and sweet paprika or use as sandwich dressing.
      • The main load-bearing pillar of my diet when I'm really depressed.
    • Boxed soup: pump it up or use as an ingredient.
      • Mushroom is a fantastic basis for gravy and can even be used as-is.
        • Make mashed potatoes with potato flakes and combine for instant, zero-effort mashed potatoes and gravy.

§ Myths ^

• Imitation vanilla is not taken from a badger's ass or whatever.
• MSG is not harmful. That's a legend spread by racists. It's awesome and you should use it.
• Impossible Burgers aren't vegan. They tested on animals to get regulatory approval for, like, making them seem bloody or some stupid shit like that. Same deal with Just Egg. Most "vegan" companies are soulless capitalist enterprises that will do whatever it takes to profit from the niche market segment they target.
  • If anyone questions these companies' ethics, apologists justify all the harm they do as serving the greater good. That might be true! But instead of compromising we can also just... eat plants. Crazy idea, I know.
• Jackfruit and quinoa aren't that great. Don't believe the hype.

§ See Also ^